my life is my life

The worst feeling ever might be when you are being treated like you did something wrong but you don’t know what it is

Her new favorite phrase is “I don’t care”. Hey do you want me to stay? I don’t care. Hey I’m going to go do this. I don’t care. I’m not sure if she’s doing this to desensitize herself from me or what. She has to know that by making it clear that she doesn’t care about anything that I do that it’s making me feel completely worthless. I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s nearly impossible to have a conversation that doesn’t end in her being furious with me. I just don’t know what to do

I’m nauseous because I can’t stop thinking that I’m a goner. I can tell that she is having a hard time seeing anything in me anymore. I make decisions that I almost immediately regret. I can’t help that I can’t see every angle of my actions. I know I’m going to have to learn to if she’s going to stick around. I don’t know what I’ll do if she kills herself. I know she always thinks about it. Idk how to fix it.

It’s like I can’t do anything right. I’m to blame. I’m to blame. I’m to blame. She makes me feel like she doesn’t want to deal with me. If I ask her about it she shuts down. If I retaliate. She calls me out and makes me feel like I should apologize. Why should I apologize when I am just trying to give her what she has been giving me? I hate where we are right now. All I wanted was one day where I don’t feel like I’m walking on eggshells

I’m stuck between losing my best friend and my girlfriend. I’m always losing.

I know she wants to leave me. I don’t understand why she doesn’t just do it. I’m not worth all the pain that I’ve caused her.

everyone is always mad at me, im making this my space to write it out because my heart can’t take it anymore.